i'm trying this new thing where i like myself.

Dear Fireman,

Today I was driving down Main Street and I thought about you. Really it had to do with the fact that I was listening to Sol Driven Train and remember that first time we saw each other? You don’t? Huh. Well I was jammin’ to SDT and you asked me what it was.

Actually, I was thinking about you yesterday, too. I picked up a copy of the Free Times and I flipped it open to the personals and low and behold, there were no Missed Connections. I tried to channel you through one because I thought it would be greatly entertaining, but the Free Times must also get free labor, as no one returned my email.

You know what? Now that I mention it, I thought about you Saturday, too, as I was participating in the Walk for Life. This woman walking near us pointed out the firemen on the side of the road by saying, “Ooh! Firemen! And they’re good looking too!” (They were not.) We turned and all and looked. (I swear, no comparison.) And [the woman] saw us paying her words some attention and she was all “I’m married girls; y’all should look!” And Katie, my future sis-in-law, was all shy as per usual and saying quietly, “Not me! I’m engaged.” That woman seemed to be having none of it ’cause she shot back with a, “You can still look!” And I was all thinking, Yea I’m all for looking but SHE’S MARRYING ONE OF MY BIG BROTHERS so she answered right. So there you go.

But anyway, I was driving around Columbia with Sol Driven Train today, while I was on my lunch hour. I went over to the elusive campus and figured out with great ease (FINALLY) how to go about getting my USC ID. I will officially call it THE GREATEST STUDENT ID I HAVE EVER OWNED. That’s not too difficult to achieve, mind you. What would be really cool is if I put up a picture of my Clemson ID and showed you how different I am now, 6 years later. But I’m not evolved enough for that. Ironically, my Clemson picture either followed or preceded what I often remember as THE BEST SUMMER EVER. Why couldn’t I have just looked good?

Oh yea, and y’all liked how I hid my name and ID number? Oh, you’ve all already figured out my full name? Yea, duh.

In the meantime, Chick-fil-A is so friggin good. I just ate it and it is easily THE BEST FAST FOOD EVER.

Perhaps I have resorted to labeling things “Best Ever” because the Free Times is doing their Best of Columbia 2008 Survey. I don’t really know.

In any event, Fireman, I know you’re wondering why I’m thinking so much about you. I mean, just a couple of hours ago I was getting that ID handed to me and I thought, Boy I bet that fireman wishes he could date me. I’m a student! But really, I was walking around campus realizing, for the first time in a long time, I feel good about me. I like things about me. I haven’t liked things about me in a long time and it feels like a relief. Like things are right. I’m working on making my karma good too.

I was walking back into the office from my car and from behind, Mr. Beat called out to me. I turned and began telling him that I’d gotten my ID [to his alma mater] just then. I started telling him how excited I was (and looking back I’m thinking whoa nelly, you talk too much) and how I thought the woman at the Carolina Card office probably either thought I was adorable or crazy. I said I had asked her to retake my picture because my hair was flipping out on one side. And [Mr. Beat] said to me, “Oh, let me see.” At first I thought he was talking about my hair. (He hasn’t seen me since I cut 5.5 inches off.) Then, I realized he might be talking about my boobs. (I took care of sharing that bit of information with him yesterday when he told me he’d heard I’d had surgery and What kind? Why? all worried sounding and shiz.) Lastly, I realized, Yes, one moment, I will get MY NEW ID out of my wallet to share with you.

It’s good to make peace, though. With him. With me. With the things in my life that weren’t really making me that happy. (Please don’t confuse. Chick-fil-A does make me happy. As does yesterday’s lunch crave, Monterrey’s. Okay, maybe FOOD IN GENERAL makes me happy. But I digress.) I’ve been realizing lately, for the first time ever, really, that I’m kind of happy with my life. I may not have the perfect job, or the perfect wardrobe, or the perfect complexion, but maybe it wouldn’t be too crazy for someone else to like me too.

Love,

Me

missed connections.

I went to Flying Saucer for lunch today and picked up a copy of the Free Times. It’s from March 26 – April 1.

I saw The Fireman on March 26.

See, I picked it up so I could read the “Missed Connections” section. Why? Honestly? Because I think it’s funny. Funny and oh so honest. Here is what was in for this week. Fireman, where are you?

ME: WAL-MART
In Red Bank dressed as cowboy. You: walking around with a Guy, kept looking back and smiling at me. If you like to have a date with me, call.

SATURDAY, MARCH 13
You opened door for me at West Columbia post office. Told you “thank you, have a good day,” about 9:00. You drove black four door car. Please call.

SUSIE
You were a bartender at the Blue Martini. I was an older customer. You made a great bat bite at Halloween. Where are you now? Call me.

the fireman.

I sat at the intersection of Gervais and Assembly yesterday on my lunch hour. I was on my way to the house from Publix after purchasing essentials for the grown up me. You know the kind, milk for my Slim Fast breakfast of champions, fresh bread and turkey so I can pack my lunch.

I watched as the fireman walked between the cars with his boot in hand, collecting money from drivers who seemed to round up dollar bills and coins at will. My inner-Kristin thought to herself: I know I have a couple $20s. Do I have anything smaller? If I reach for my wallet he will think I have something. What if I don’t? What then?

He smiled at me as he walked towards the right side of my car. He waved at me as he turned to another driver, for another dollar.

He circled the back of my car as he walked back towards the intersection. I noticed him as he rounded my car, as he came increasingly close to my driver window. I turned to look at him as he came to me. And I kept looking as I rolled the window down.

“What are you jamming to?” he asked me.

“Sol Driven Train,” I said, letting the words roll out of my mouth as my smile remained.

A smile that was met by his.

“It sounds good, doesn’t it?” I added, as he stepped backwards towards the median.

“Yea. Really good.” He answered, almost as though surprised by me. And still smiling as he waved at me as I drove through the light.

It was one of those fleeting moments. I thought about it as I unloaded the few groceries I’d picked up. It had slipped my mind by the time I returned to the office, back to planning fundraisers and countering immigration legislation through public comment.

After work, after my jog, I headed back to the office to retrieve my cell phone which I’d left sitting on my desk. I ran through the hallway in my running clothes, and then back out to my car [which I'd parked in the "fire lane"] to drive across town to my mom and dad’s to get some leftover coconut cake. (Yes, I just admitted that.)

As I drove down Gervais Street once again, this time in front of the State House, I noticed 2 fire engines ahead of me to my left. I passed the first one and as I came to the second I looked over at it. In the back seat, sitting and facing me, was the fireman. His smile returned as he waved at me. My smile returned as I waved back at him.

I hit the interstate and headed to the mall as a detour. Once there, I continued my quest for a dress for this weekend. And I bought one. With my credit card.

Now, I have never used a credit card before. It’s this whole new thing to me. And I don’t really understand the whole concept. At all.

Like, can I just buy a bunch of dresses and then just pick which one I like, take all of the rest of them back and it’s like I “borrowed” the money and gave it back? Does the interest only affect me when I pay it back late?

Yea, see, I don’t understand all that.

But this is the grown up me. I’ve got to figure it out.

When I got to the Mediterranean Tea Room last night to meet the roommate for dinner I told her the story of the fireman. (I left out the bit about me using my credit card.) When I finished the story I added, “I’m totally checking out the Missed Connections in the next Free Times.”

Here is what I would expect: You: brunette in SUV with Clemson sticker. Me: in my fireman uniform. I saw you on Gervais Street twice in one day. We had a moment. Call me if interested.